Climate: Live For Success! All Songs by Nathan Beach & Grant Kuneman (c) 1998 Bryan's Cabin Songs (ASCAP) "Success and Failure" This is a fascinating study Of successful and unsuccessful people "Office Politics" Rinsing bottles of broken liquid Washing them with soap like dirty dishes Turn them into Camden Yards day game wishes Fishes, Misha, mixing them with squid Vladmir, don't cry I have nothing to say Representing rabbis in The Senate Blessing all the children with freckles and hair Beans are 50 rubles and 20 for the pears Trousers extra long with cuffs, infinite Vladmir, don't cry I have nothing to say Vladmir, don't cry I have nothing to say "Golf, Of Course" I am smiling all the same "A Special Word For The Professional Man" I think everybody should give me a nut As they pass by on the road Passing cars and a truck I think they should give me nuts Because I deserve it I live on this street I feed out of its dumpsters I have no home I jump from building to building Since there are no trees Now I wander the streets no more Flat like a wooden postcard Rabid teeth protruding for not-severe tire-damage Asphalt melted to one side of my cute furry body Bushy tail brittle in the sun I got A's in squirrel school I am a wandering toll booth "The Friendship Network" When you come home Please come home to me Please go home with me Someone's waiting with some cups of tea Blessed celibacy Dallas airfield Now called an airport "DFW" for short Blurried people head for the worthy fort Others are the Dallas sort Lots of people seem to go nowhere Don't forget to share No-one has friends when they do not share Lonely like a bear We have friends and are so friendly We should win the Swiss presidency We made Hitler like the Red Army Jimmy Carter ain't got nothing on me I gotta go I gotta go My memory's calling me Turning all the squares Into the new history "Practice For Success" If you are awake, I would love for you to come on by! You told me it wasn't even You told me it was with some place downtown Well I'm going to have to knock on your door or something Okay, alright Hello? Goodbye I am puzzled why your answering machine don't work I asked a favor of you Could you get my mail on the outside? I didn't get through to you I guess if you're awake I would appreciate I am puzzled why your answering machine don't work It looks like you've finally come home Your red car, it's back at the house The note I left on the door is gone, it's missing I don't know why you don't answer me I am puzzled why your answering machine don't work I am not sure whether or not you Check your message service everyday I thought I saw your car in the driveway in the shade at least That's where it doesn't get so hot I am puzzled why your answering machine don't work "Being Liked" You fly to Paris while I load my gun And our three Chinese comrades are having such fun I meant, you were what riding as you left my town? Were you riding a horse or just messing around? Don't speak that way, you're declining inflection Only foreigners speak with such a lack of direction Let's walk a while since all the free seats are taken All the programs are bought and the play is forsaken Legs cover ears up and I don't have to see All the smells that increase my misogyny My love is leaving why should she stay Being pigeons at bedtime and sleeping all day I'd rather wake than sleep for the fear Of the wake of the morning sun The inventors have been found And the cobbler has no pie And the old men have been checkered And the blacksmith has been shoed The morticians are dead One too many in the head "The Executive Spouse" Hired a maid for the dishes And one for cleaning The house and cars And a boy for the garden Let's have some rich kids, Cindy Let's make some rich kids, Cindy Risking money on Wall Street Cell phone users are saying Buy low, sell high While the market is closing Let's have some rich kids, Cindy Let's make some rich kids, Cindy Shoes and furs and Mercedes A wife's a great investment In flesh and hair And a nice set of toenails Let's have some rich kids, Cindy Let's make some rich kids, Cindy "How To Overcome Your Own Background" You're on your own On your own for the next few days Until you leave for West Virginia Until you leave for West Virginia You're invited every night Every evening After you get out of work To have supper with me And it is pretty simple I just heat it up in the microwave I don't have to do any cooking But I have desserts And I have drinks I think maybe I can fatten you up Just give me a call Because it is definite And I expect you to get over here You are here You are here Thursday night Friday night Saturday night Sunday night And then you'll be gone And then you'll be gone When you pulled the plug out of my radio Or whatever That you brought over to me You pulled out the wires So that I can't reach back there It's not urgent But if you could come over Call me first I'll open the door And you can stick the plug back in Turn it up so I can feel Turn it up so I can hear Turn it up so I can feel So I can't hear I can't feel the radio Just call me Feel the call me I want you to come on over Take a little drink And share supper with me So let me know I got plenty to feed you And feed you And feed you And feed you You choose your meal And I'll have it ready for you Very quickly with desserts and drinks Okay, with desserts Okay, with drinks Okay, with desserts And drinks! You choose your meal And I'll have it ready for you You choose your meal "Key Attributes Employers Look for in New Hires, Pt. 2" Beim nächsten Ton ist es 18:29:34 And the mothers have been born The rosy offspring cooing screaming Modern scientists all make discoveries Of great importance And the tailor has been altered His pant cuffs are pressed He mends the dress He cannot complain He must confess Because modern scientists All make discoveries of great importance That make his life so easy He had risen early And the morning air was gently sneezing Only on the window pane Because he cannot go out again Because life is now a computer With a point 'n' click he shops for groceries Orders friends Meets porno stars He is to blame for being poor His sister's friends are in the country Having a good time She asked him whether he had seen The frisky cat named Rump Machine The door is closed at half-past nine If he eats pears And lives the lives of many Cuban gangsters Hamsters wake at half-past six And run around and do some tricks The furniture cartel is growing Haitian immigrants are rowing Drinking taste plus value Domesticated girls are grown And Paco does not like to row He has carried out his final plan He sleeps on standard fitted sheets On furniture from Cuba And the water runs dry And the water runs dry And the water runs dry And the water runs dry Oh my "Key Attributes Employers Look for in New Hires, Pt. 3" You can dig my grave with a silver spade There's a long white robe up in heaven for me There's a starry crown up in heaven for me There's a golden harp up in heaven for me You can pluck one string and the whole heaven rings Do you think I will make a soldier? All Songs by Nathan Beach & Grant Kuneman (c) 1998 Bryan's Cabin Songs (ASCAP)